Ghost World

It takes removing yourself from your comfort zone to really discover something about yourself. For me, it was the fact that I need a comfort zone. There is something uneasy about irregularity. I came to The Netherlands to break routine. I do most things in life with only that intent. I spend my life attempting to break myself out of my comfort zone, but that is only because I had a comfort zone to break out of. Now, I still think that if you have a comfort zone, you should explore outside of it as much as possible. However, I am currently in a foreign country for the first time in my life, I am homeless, and I have gone without several meals, simply because I have no idea how to get food at certain times in the day, (this requires a long explanation that involves the campus I am crashing and their meal point plan, and I don’t care to fully explain this right now). So, hungry, homeless, and utterly without any comfort zone, my thoughts get heavy. Most of the time I have spent here in Holland has been spent meeting people, partying, and having a great time. But, there are times, like now for instance, when I am in my room…or rather not my room, the room my friend has been kind enough to offer me until I find my own room…and I am entirely alone with my thoughts and left to think about myself, my current situation, and my life at large.

This opportunity has led me to the conclusion that despite my incessant thirst for exploration and change, my main pursuit in life is for something tangible. I am living a ghastly, transient existence. There is literally nothing in my life that is secure at this point. Because of this, I am really only searching for something tangible at this point. Anything real, anything secure, anything that can ground me to reality. Without an anchor, I fear I will simply float away. So, that’s what I’m looking for currently. This feels like the twilight of my adolescence, and the dawning of the next stage in my life. I have no idea if this is a positive transition or not, but I have a few ideas of where my life is going, and direction is something.